The Revealing Truth About Modesty

There is a great mystery imprinted in each and every human person.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church says that modesty “means refusing to unveil what should remain hidden” (2521).
“Modesty protects the mystery of persons and their love. It encourages patience and moderation in loving relationships; it requires that the conditions for the definitive giving and commitment of man and woman to one another be fulfilled” (2522).

When I began uncovering the beauty and the dignity involved in being modest, I began to hunger for it more and more. Living in a culture saturated by trying to be “sexy” no matter the cost to the human soul, ignited my desire to protect the mystery of my body.

In my 20’s, the big fashion trend was for women to reveal their stomachs. And, before I embraced the modest revolution, I too fell into the trap of being fashionable at the expense of sacrificing my own mystery and dignity. However, the looks I received from dressing this way did not correspond with the deepest desires of my heart to be loved rightly. So, in response, I decided that I no longer wanted to be a slave to whatever fashion some person sitting in a cubicle in New York writing for some cheap magazine dictated to be “what’s in.” Instead, I did the unthinkable…the radical. I vowed to no longer show my stomach until the day I got married.

This was extreme! This meant no more revealing tops, and no more two-piece bathing suits. It meant a total closet overhaul. This meant always being aware of the length of my shirts to make sure that even when I lifted my arms, I wasn’t revealing my stomach. In taking this drastic step, I knew it would protect the mystery of my entire body because it would give me the strength to embrace modesty to its fullest. I felt a new sense of purity, of dignity and of confidence. No longer could I use skin to lure a guy to notice me. Now, when a guy took notice of me, he would have to truly notice me, the unrepeatable, irreplaceable, unique woman that God created me to be. I was no longer a clone dressed like every other girl at the mall.

This did not go over well with the average guy. But, I wasn’t looking for average, for mediocre…I was looking for a guy who knew that sacrifice had to be at the root of our love for it to be honest and true. I would mention to guys that I was only going to show my stomach to my future husband, and instantly a look of confusion would cross their faces, and I could see the weakness in their eyes of not knowing if they were capable of liking a girl with this kind of standard and proceeding in a relationship that entailed this kind of purity. Basically, I experienced rejection! However, I knew it wasn’t a reflection of me, but rather a reflection of their formation or rather lack thereof.

One day, I did meet a guy who I developed a great friendship with, and we both began to have strong, romantic feelings for one another, and so I mentioned to him that I was not going to show my stomach to any man other than my husband, and this time, something was different. He didn’t run; he didn’t stumble over his words. Instead with great confidence and belief in his own words, he said, “This will be a great boundary to keep our relationship pure and holy.” Wow! I thought to myself, “He really gets it!” We fell in love and dated seriously for about 18 months, when one night…I showed him my stomach.

Don’t judge me just yet. Let me tell you about that day. It was St. Patrick’s Day, March 17, 2007, and I had scheduled to get my hair done. This day, I got all dolled up with my hair curled to perfection, with my make-up applied and nails painted. I wanted this day to be special. Before I saw Doug that day, I put on the most beautiful dress I have ever worn. It was long and white, with incredible beading and a long train. At 2:00 in the afternoon, I showed up to a church and met my father, who was in a tux, in the back where he gave me the most precious embrace a father could give his daughter. I saw pride and love in his eyes as we heard music begin to play. A photographer snapped pictures as I looped my arm through my father’s arm and the doors of the church swung open. Friends and family stood up from their pews, looked over their shoulders as they watched my every move. As I walked down the long isle, my eyes locked the eyes of the man who had been brave enough to love me with a modest, authentic, pure love. Without a doubt, I knew he loved me as no one had ever loved me before. When we reached the end of the isle, my father turned to me and took the veil that had been covering my face and lifted it over my head, and placed my hand in the hand of this great man whom he would soon be privileged to call his son-in law. As the veil was lifted over my eyes, it was as if for the first time I discovered the real impact committing to this kind of modesty would have on the rest of my life. As the Catechism says, “Modesty, is to refuse to “UNVEIL” the mystery of who you are,” and in this moment, the VEIL was lifted and this person that I was about to marry, would receive from me the greatest gift of all; the total gift of myself, and I would receive the same from him. The mystery of who I am would be fully unveiled and revealed, and I would no longer need to be hidden from him.

We said our vows, were declared man and wife, and celebrated at a beautiful reception held close by. That night Doug saw my stomach for the first time as my husband. This was the night that through the sacrament of marriage, we were able to commit to a life of full, total, faithful, and fruitful love. This was the kind of love that could only be born from authentic purity, sacrifice and love for one another.

Our modesty and purity in dating was a great sacrifice; one only accomplished through great prayer and calling upon a power greater than our own--the Holy Spirit, whose strength we relied upon when ours was so weak, so incapable of selfless love that gave us the ability to be true to our commitment to love one another in a way that corresponded with the deepest desires of our hearts and our souls.